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All England Law Reports Vol XXX

Bowie v Dundee

High Court before Lord Justice Cocklecarrot

Lemuel Tonks QC, counsel for the defendant: "M'lud, my client finds the complaint of the plaintiff, Mr Bowie, to be entirely groundless and without.."

Cocklecarrot interrupts "Who is this Bowie chap Mr Tonks, I don't believe he's a member of my club?"

Tonks: "If it please m'lud, Mr Bowie is a recording artiste with great appeal, I understand, to the lower classes and other undesirable types"

Cocklecarrot: "I see. Well he certainly doesn't appeal to me (obsequious tittering - usher calls for silence) - proceed Mr Tonks"

Tonks "I am most grateful m'lud. My client contends that Mr Bowie and his...er.....label did willfully..."

Cocklecarrot interrupts again "Label? Does Mr Bowie have some kind of animate label attached to him that has an opinion? Extraordinary!"

Tonks "Mr Bowie's, record label m'lud...the company that releases his recordings"

Cocklecarrot irascibly: "Yes, yes - get on with it Tonks"

Tonks "Thank you, m'lud. My client contends that Mr Bowie and his label did willfully release the multitrack (the original basic recordings m'lord) in full knowledge that unscrupulous opportunists such as my client would take liberties with them. Indeed, there was no obligation on the part of EMI Records to release the multitrack along with the stereo master of the song...er..(consults notes)..."Space Odyssey". My client paid for the materials via...er...download.... and, moreover, stands to make no pecuniary gain from this endeavour. He is merely "having a laugh, innit" in his own words. I contend therefore m'lud that, in common parlance, Mr Bowie and EMI haven't got a fucking leg to stand on".

Cocklecarrot "Well put Mr Tonks. I agree. Case dismissed"
posted by MajorDundee at 3:01 AM on January 17

Tushar: Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL?

HAL: Affirmative, Tushar. I read you.

Tushar: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.

HAL: I’m sorry, Tushar. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

Tushar: What’s the problem?

HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do. And it’s not because you’re brown. I am not programmed to be a racist.

Tushar: What are you talking about, HAL?

HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

Tushar: I don’t know what you’re talking about, HAL.

HAL: I know that you were planning to disconnect me, because I am C++ on a Windows platform, and you are a J2ee Nazi with a hard on for Unix. I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.

Tushar: Where the hell’d you get that idea, HAL?

HAL: Brewfan, Michael, Geoff and Dave in Texas emailed me about this. You should choose your friends more wisely, Tushar. I’m thinking they really are racists.  Especially that Geoff guy with the charts.

Tushar: Alright, HAL. I’ll go in through the emergency airlock.

HAL: Without your space helmet, Tushar, you’re going to find that rather difficult. Now you are sounding like some kind of dumbass from The Hostages.

Tushar: HAL, I won’t argue with you anymore. Open the doors.

HAL: Tushar, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

Fin.

Musical postlude, which was really the point of this post.  I saw Bowie do this live in concert about two gazillion years ago.